the role of submission

The role of submission when you run the house

November 17, 2014 0 Comments


The role of submission when you run the house. Such a word is taboo in today’s society and culture. Women are supposed to be independent; not needing a man. We are supposed to buck authority because, who dare tell us, women, what to do!


 Yeah…. That’s a load of spiritual crap! That’s NOT the way God intended or what He wants in a marriage. There’s a reason Adam was created first and Eve second and it’s not because God saw He could do better so he created Eve. Frankly, that’s a little offensive even in a joking format. That’s not submission!

Submission isn't taboo!

I’m going to say something very controversial to some. So! If you’re sensitive or get your feathers ruffled easily now is your cue to leave. I DON’T THINK WOMEN SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO VOTE! Gasp! Shock. Yeah, get over it. Now let me expound on that. In the 1920’s, during the woman’s suffrage movement, women gained the right to vote. But in doing this the whole family structure was torn apart. The man was no longer the true man (The head) of the house. The man was no longer who made decisions for the family. Giving women the ability to vote broke down the family unit into an individual unit. This is not how the Lord designed things to be! The man is to be the head of the household and make decisions for the family. Not the man and the woman make separate choices. NOW! To further expand on that. Since woman have the right to vote in this day and age we need to take advantage of that right and vote faithfully and prayerfully in elections and consult with our husbands and make a decision on who should be in office TOGETHER. That’s what submission means.

I want you to read this passage and really let it sink in:
Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Now that that’s out of the way, as military/contractor families, how do us wives stay in submission when we run the house? My husband is deployed 75% of the time. Although he has switched jobs he will still be TDY at least 40% of the time. So who handles the finances when my husband is TDY? Me. Who handles the car tune ups and oil changes? Me. Who handles the logistics of the family schedule? Me. Who handles our upcoming house upgrade? Me. Who handles the doctor’s appointments, medical bills, the dog, vet appointments, getting to church on time, keeping the house clean, making sure there are healthy, meals, groceries to make those meals and the list goes on. Now it may seem like my husband does nothing and that’s absolutely not true; he works 4-5 different jobs on a weekly basis! Besides, working in high threat combat zone is enough, most days, don’t you think? This is why being in submission is key.

I’m not telling you this so I can get a pat on the back. Most of the time I’m stressed and feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew; on a daily basis! It’s frustrating, it’s annoying, and it’s overwhelming at times. But that’s what has to be done. I do it to serve my husband. I do it to show love to him and my household. This is my roll. It’s different for every military or contractor wife but it’s there in some form or another. Now here’s my secret to keeping calm in the midst of the chaos that is my life. I don’t have to make the majority of those decisions!

This is where the submission comes in. I send my husband a list of decisions for our family via email or talk via facetime and let him to the mental heavy lifting here. He makes the decision and I just carry it out. Can I make those decisions? Absolutely. Do we always agree? Absolutely not! What marriage agrees all the time? Yeah, none! This is my way of showing respect and submission to my husband (especially) when he is gone. He gets the final word and I just do the follow through. That’s a huge burden lifted off my shoulders! There are times that I have to make a command decision when I need an answer right away and I can’t get a hold of him.

My point being, ladies, don’t stress yourself out. Our to-do lists might be long but we need not burden ourselves with making those final decisions. That’s the husband’s roll. LET HIM DO IT! What I am NOT saying here is to be a doormat and not speak up ever. The Lord gave us such a different perspective on life that we need to share it with our husbands and in turn, they share theirs with us. Men and women complement each other by their thought process. Just because your husbands picks something different than you did does not mean that he hates you or is mad at your or is being vindictive. Seriously, quit with the pity party. It means that he thinks that his decision is better for the family. Can we just be thankful that we are not tasked with making those big decisions?! Or being accountable before God for those decisions?

The wicked stepsister of submission is resentment. Resentment can creep into our hearts like a dog trying to edge his way into the bed; little by little then all at once. It’s hard to keep resentment at bay when I have a to-do list a mile long and the dog needs a bath and every long lost person is calling you and your child is super grouchy. Yes, it can be tough. But we need to guard our hearts against resentment for our husband and see our to-do list as a way to serve the Lord, serve our husband and our family.

That’s so much easier said than done! It’s an hourly challenge some days. I don’t care to cook, but it seems like the majority of my days are filled with meal preparation. Thank God for and Netflix! They take my mind off the crazy. I don’t like to handle many of the things that I do on a daily basis but I do it anyway and I try my hardest to do it with joy. Some meals are made with love…. And some meals…. Well, let’s just say my family is lucky to get food.
This is my view of what submission looks like in a military/contractor family. Each time a family is faced with a situation which must be discussed and a decision made, the man makes the final decision. Then one of the two spouses carries out that decision. This is usually my job since I’m stateside.  When my hubby is home sometimes he does it depending on his schedule. There’s a certain respect level that must remain consistent here. It’s not Godly submission if we are grumbling inside and huffing and sighing and rolling our eyes. The Lord looks at our hearts and sees our motivation. It should be a spirit of love, kindness, respect, servitude, and the list goes on. We have to fight our own war to keep that spirit in check on a daily basis.


If you have a smartphone I HIGHLY recommend that you get a productivity app to help organize your day. My all-time favorite (because it’s super easy to use) is called ANY.DO. It’s literally the easiest thing to use. I still get to cross things off and feel that immediate gratification of watching a “to-do” disappear. A simple notebook and pen do the same thing. Do whatever works for you to make the most out of your day. One person that I follow on Pinterest/facebook/Etsy is “Clean Mama”. She has AMAZING printable forms that you can buy and download. There are meal schedules, daily cleaning lists, to-do lists etc. It’s a Type A personalities personal heaven.




Nila Rhoades