I'm fine

The “I’m Fine” Facade

January 17, 2016 0 Comments

I’m Fine

Let’s stop the facade people. I recently had this conversation with some ladies that I am close too:


“Hi Nila, how are you?”
“Hey! I’m fine how’re you?”
Then it hit me. I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t even good. I especially wasn’t great. I was horrible actually. I was exhausted; emotionally, physically and spiritually. I was a mess inside actually.
I recanted my statement:
“Actually, that’s a lie. It’s been a tough week. Killian is sick, Ronan is starved for attention because Killian is sick and I feel like I’ve fought with my husband every day this week about the stupidest things. I haven’t heard a whole sermon in months. I haven’t slept for more than two hours at a time in two weeks. I’m a mess.” I said through teary eyes.

You know what happened when I actually told the truth? I was vulnerable and transparent and my wonderful friends were able to give me advice, encouraging words and pray for me! Did they think I was a stuck up complainer? Nope! They thought that I was human! They knew I was being real! Although the lack of makeup, lack of clean hair and dark circle under my eyes probably gave me away first. I’d been living in my “active wear” a little too long if you catch my drift.


I realized that I would often get angry that no one knew about my issues, struggles and trials, no one would step up and offer to pray with me, no one would ask me how my family was, how my sick baby was… you know why?! They didn’t know about my real inner struggles because I kept saying “I’m fine, how’re you?” I kept deflecting instead of being real. We’ll pretend that real means the same thing as HONESTY for the sake of this post. (insert sarcasm here!)


When did we, as a society, stop being real (honest)? When did we start lying happily? When did we start building up walls to block out fellow believers to our struggles? Basically what I’m asking is when did lying to others become a social norm? The real question here is when did we stop seeing lying as a sin?


I’m not sure when that turning point was either. It could have been the era of the Stepford wives, keeping up with the Jones’s, June Cleaver or simply our nasty pride not wanting others to know that we are not perfect!


Well, surprise honey, no one is perfect. No one has it all together. No mom that I know of made it to dinner time without feeling frazzled, angry, getting frustrated at their kids or spouse, struggled to remember to swap loads of laundry and FINALLY wipe up that mysterious sticky spot off the kitchen table. That’s life. Especially if you’re a mother and a wife. That’s the glory of life at times. Now I’m not trying to say that life constantly sucks if you’re a wife/mother. It’s the greatest job that the Lord has/will ever call us to do! But it’s not without its hardships. It’s all about trying to find that balance between husband, kids, meal planning, cleaning, schedules, intimacy, sleep, and and and and. It’s like trying to log roll on a pogo stick.


Let’s look at one of my favorite verses about pressing on in our calling in life:


Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12.


Remember what we’re working for! We spend hours doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, reading to our kids, encouraging our spouse, reading our Bible, attending church, soccer practice, dance club, late night Tylenol doses for our little ones and the list goes on. The Lord CHOSE us to be our kid’s mother specifically. The Lord CHOSE you to be your husband’s wife, SPECIFICALLY. We have a unique purpose in our life.


Let’s look at Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”


Life feels like a literal race sometimes doesn’t it? I’m racing to get the cleaning done before the baby wakes up, I’m racing to get our oldest to school, I’m racing to get dinner on before my husband comes home. I’m racing to go to the bathroom while the baby is playing on the floor and realizes I’m gone! I’m racing to shower, racing to get dressed, racing to the library before they close! Life is nuts sometimes, isn’t it?


If you’re agreeing with me then you KNOW that other moms feel this way too! SO WHY LIE ABOUT IT?! Why do we have to pretend that we’re fine when we KNOW that other moms are just as frazzled about the daily race as we are?

Look at Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another”


How can we possible sharpen another mom, or be sharpened ourselves, if we are not honest with our need of it? I don’t care how much you think you have it together, we all need to be sharpened and encouraged.


1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”


By being honest, AND NOT LYING, we are opening ourselves up (being vulnerable) for encouragement and “sharpening” by others. Who doesn’t want to be encouraged and lifted up? I’m raising my hand here too! I want you to look at what we can do for others. If you see a friend, visibly stressed, and you ask her how she is and she responds with the “oh I’m fine,” I recommend that you raise a brow and ask how she REALLY is? She could start crying all over you, and that’s ok! Consider this the Lord giving you a wonderful opportunity to encourage a dear sister and pray for her and with her.


We don’t have to try to be perfect. We are all flawed people. If we weren’t flawed, we wouldn’t be in need of a Savior. Remember this, ladies.  We can put on all the makeup in the world, we can put on all our Vera Wang clothes, our Louboutin shoes, Pandora bracelets but we can’t cover up our need for a Biblical friend, encouragement or a Savior.


Make a resolution this year, to be honest with your friends; to be REAL! You may never know what kind of impact you will have on others and what the impact they will have on you. Take off the facade and be YOU!






Nila Rhoades