The scary places that all moms need to go:

The scary place.

You know what I’m talking about. The deep dark corner of your mind where all your worst-case scenarios replay over and over. We try to stay away from that scary place whenever necessary, but there are times when us mommy’s need to go to that scary place and hang out for a while. You see, self-defense is a complex beast. It is lifestyle dependent and situational dependent. There are moments when we have to ask, “what is the worst thing that could possibly happen?” and make decisions on how to best protect our families based on this information. If we can plan for the worst case, then making it through the day-to-day hiccups is a piece of cake.

Going to the scary place is just that; it’s scary! It’s uncomfortable thinking of those worst-case scenarios that might happen with and to our children. We are forced to dwell in the place that makes us cringe. We are forced to live in that moment where we (hypothetically) get the phone call that makes our heart stop. As scary, uncomfortable, and heart-wrenching as it is, it’s necessary.

However, to give you courage, it’s not real! We are speaking completely hypothetically here and we are doing this so we can better protect our children! Our anxiety and fear are worth it. It’s worth it to dive into that place of fear and figure out a way that that scenario won’t happen in real life. But, if it does, you’ll know exactly how to handle that!

Here are some things to consider when you are going to the scary place:

1. It’s not real: this is an exercise in preparedness and situational awareness.
2. You’re doing this to save the lives of your children: this exercise can help you find many potential threats.
3. You don’t have to go here often: If you have a routine life, with a consistent schedule, you shouldn’t need to spend a lot of time in the scary place.

 How to get to the scary place:

1. Each location has a scary place: find the top 3 or 4 places that you spend a lot of time.
2. Think of the top 3 worst-case scenarios per location.
3. Find solutions to those top 3 scenarios for each location.

Going to the scary place requires an inner dialogue with yourself. Here is my inner dialogue about our church with my top most fear about my children:

“Ok Nila, what’s the worst possible thing that could happen at church? Well, that would be an active shooter. That’s an insane fear, we live in such a small town, but it could happen. Ugh, let’s roll with it. Well, there are 4 entrances into our church. I can see 3 of those entrances from where I sit in the sanctuary. That just leaves one entrance unaccounted for. This entrance is near the children. There’s only one way out of the children’s wing. Well, that stays locked during the service so that’s good. What about the shooter. If he happens to break the glass on that door, my armed husband sits back there to let members in. I am confident of my husband’s ability to handle the threat. Well, the probability would be that he would come in the main entrance of the sanctuary, which I sit directly to the right of. I will see him before he sees me as a threat. I’m a female after all and we are notoriously underestimated. I have to make sure that I carry my firearm to church with me and I can stop that threat before he gets to my children.”

This is what my inner dialogue looks like. It’s a check and balance of my fears to the logical interpretation of the situation. We know, that as women, our fears can be illogical and extreme at times. I think this is what makes us such fierce mamas, though! This illogical fear helps us to protect our children all the better. Check out this link of cultivating your inner fear and turning it into a MAMA BEAR.

Go slowly and carefully into the scary place. You might find a notebook and write this process down! It might help you find the clarity you need to navigate your way through and find yourself on the other side of this journey less fearful and more confident in your ability to protect your children.

 

Cheers,

Nila