How to find your tribe:

How to find your tribe: seems like a misnomer right? Having a tribe in this modern-day society. I assure you it’s a real thing and you need it more than you think! America and many countries have created a very self-focused society. We have become a single unit society. Each person deals with their own struggles, fears, successes, and failures. Every person is an island. You often see this in the marriage relationship also. It’s a relationship of “what can I get out of this relationship” rather than “what can we build together.”

When countries start advancing, whether it be technological, socially, agriculturally etc. The people often start drifting apart. One could almost say that the more advanced the country, the lonelier and more isolated the people are. It would seem that, with advancement comes money, with money comes power, and with power comes the selfish desire to be recognized for one’s accomplishments.

Rarely is this a team effort.

So, how do you find your tribe? How do we find this group of people to share our burdens with, and help carry other’s burdens? A group that we can all celebrate the successes and mourn the failures with. The group that we turn to for advice, encouragement, support, and prayers.

The easy answer? You have to make yourself vulnerable.

This is much easier said than done. Our society feeds off the perfect lives that we put on Facebook and Instagram. They don’t see all the mess behind the status updates, all the tears behind the vague “I need prayers and good thoughts today” status, and the immense anger behind the photo of a spilled box of cereal that was just bought yesterday.

While this post is for men and women, a tribe of good women is harder to find. Women can be so bitter, hateful, and condescending! Some women thrive on tearing others down to make themselves feel better. If you want to find a tribe of good women, you can’t be a woman like this. Be the woman other women will want to have in their tribe.

Tips on how to find your tribe:

1. Put yourself out there: you have to pull the mask off and show others that you’re not perfect. You must admit that you need support, encouragement, and prayers. Here’s a little secret, though: WE ALL DO! You will not be alone here. We all want other to think that we have our stuff together and our face full of perfect makeup, is fresh. When in reality it’s from two days ago, and you haven’t showered yet and keep applying the powder to keep the shine away and hid the bits of mascara that have flaked off.

2. Be there for others: This can be tough. There are moments in your tribe where you will have to be there for others when it’s inconvenient. It might be emergency calls to pick up kiddos, grab pedilyte from the store, or watch a little one while you take another kiddo to the ER. There are moments that it will be a bad time, but it’s not an impossible moment. Here’s the thing. Being willing to drop everything and help is rewarding beyond belief. Especially when they are willing to do the same for you, in your moment of need.

3. Build those bonds: As with any relationship, you can’t take things for free. It has to be a give and take. You have to be willing to roll up your sleeves and get dirty! There will be times when you need help cleaning up the mess in your own life and will ask your tribe to do the same for you. A tribe functions on give and take. It functions on being a co-op of support in all aspects of life.

4. Find people worth being in your tribe: This is possibly the most important aspect of a tribe; finding people worth investing in. Not every person your friends with will be “tribe worthy”. That’s alright, though. Even a group of 3 or 4 people can be a huge benefit to your life. Find people that you will see often, whether at church, work, kid’s soccer games, or town hall meetings. I strongly recommend that you find people of like faith also. If you are a person of faith, then you understand what a big part of your life it is. It’s essential to find people that can encourage you in your faith and all that that entails.

5. Be accountable often: Basically, I mean see each other often! Get together and hang out. Whether it’s once a month or once a week, make sure that you see each other often. The more you meet the deeper you will grow together as a unit. The more you meet the more accountability you will have in many aspects of your life. Your tribe can push and encourage you to be your best self if you let them.

I have a wonderful group of ladies that I call my tribe. We often have a text group chain that we all talk in almost daily. It’s a wonderful group. It took me a while to find my place in this group. I was invited to a lady’s house for coffee by another lady in the tribe. It was love at first sight! I never knew that there could be a group of mothers, wives, and women-of-God that could make me laugh, cry, and edify me so much. I have never had such a large and diverse tribe. We are all wives and we are all moms, but that’s all we have in common! We go to many different churches and even have a few different religions. But, we all encourage each other! We have spent many a coffee morning laughing together, crying together, being angry together, and everything in-between. We pray together and check up on each other if we haven’t seen a particular person in our tribe recently.

The one thing I love the most about my tribe, though? They tell me when I’m wrong. This is so important! I don’t want a tribe that just goes along with whatever I say. I want a tribe that can help me be the best me! Which includes telling me when I am wrong, being silly, stupid, selfish, or too emotional. They will tell me to give my kids a break, or give my husband more grace. I’ve even gotten told to put my big girl panties on and quit complaining. More than a few times I might add.

I love them for that! I am so thankful for women who can build each other up and edify one another without any benefit to themselves.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

Your tribe should sharpen you. They should support you in your dreams, hold you up in your sorrows, celebrate with you in your successes, and cry with you in your failures. Surround yourself with a tribe and you will be amazed at the peace that comes with knowing that other women have your back.

Cheers,

Nila