Day 5: Sex, sometimes you need to give it up.

Sex. The great taboo these days. Especially Biblical sex. To KNOW one’s spouse, in the Biblical sense. Awkward right? Well, it’s gonna get a whole lot more awkward, to buckle up. As many of you can tell I have a rather old fashion (read: Biblical) view of marriage. The head of a woman is a man; just like Christ is the head of the church. We are a helper to our husbands. God speaks through our husbands at times, God is not required to talk to us when it comes to big family decisions. I digress.

Today’s chat is about sex. Biblical sex; and how not to hold it hostage. I’m going to try to keep this as classy as I can ladies, but I don’t do vague and sappy. Sisters, sometimes you have to give it up. Sometimes you have to have sex when you don’t really want too. Contrary to what some people think sex isn’t just for making babies. Although that is a side effect.

1 Corinthians 7:4 “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

I don’t think enough ladies take this seriously enough. When we make the commitment within a marriage we give up our right to our own bodies. Our husbands give up the rights to their body when they get married to us too! A husband and wife are now one flesh! Now, this is such a delicate topic I don’t want to me mistaken here. Rape is not ok. There’s a difference between “not in the mood, but willing to participate” and “don’t want to have sex”. There’s a clear line there that needs to be seen.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program. Ladies, men are visual, sexual beings. That’s how the Lord created men. Men need sex. It helps then focus, it helps them feel needed, secure and wanted. It also helps them feel masculine and it’s their way of connecting with us. As women, we know that sex is mainly for that emotional connection.

Let’s switch gears and let me ask you a few questions:

First, do you hold sex hostage because of your own self-esteem problems? YOU don’t feel pretty, YOU feel bloated, YOU are self-conscious, YOU YOU YOU YOU. When did sex become solely about how you feel?! Sex takes two, just like a marriage! Sex isn’t just about how we feel about it. Sometimes you need to get over yourself and have sex with your husband. You can’t even say that you’re “taking one for the team” because it’s your husband! This is part of the marriage contract, the decision that YOU made when you said, “I do”.

Second question: do you holding sex hostage because you want to get your way. If your husband makes a decision that you don’t agree with, do you withhold sex to secretly punish him? I’m sorry, that’s not how marriage and sex are supposed to work. You don’t get to hold sex hostage to punish your husband for making a decision that you don’t agree with. This is for a number of reasons; first being that we, as wives, don’t get the final say in a decision. That’s the head of the family’s job. Last time I read the Bible, it was very clear that the role of “head of the family” was your husband’s job. Second, that’s just mean. It’s cruel, mean, and vindictive. Don’t be that wife that’s mean and cruel and vindictive.

A good marriage is give-and-take, right? Both sides trying to give 100%. Sometimes we take more than we give, but it’s usually only a season. We have to try. We have to give. We give of ourselves emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Before closing, I want to talk to those wives who yearn for of a sexual relationship with their husbands. Those wives whose love language is probably physical touch. Those wives who want sex often; more often! Yet, who get shot down or rejected because his sexual appetite isn’t as big as yours. That doesn’t make you a slut, whore, weird, abnormal, or some sex crazed maniac. It makes you a woman who enjoys sexual relations with her husband. I wish I had some magic words of wisdom or that secret bible verse that’s nestled away that makes everything make sense, but I don’t. Just know you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone.

Pray for the Lord to increase your appetite ladies. Praying to have that burning desire for your husband. Take time and read through Song of Solomon and pray that you will desire your husband like this lady desires her man.