don't be a doormat

How to be an awesome wife: Honoring your husband doesn’t mean you’re a doormat

March 14, 2016 0 Comments

Day 1: Honoring your husband doesn’t mean you’re a doormat.

I’m going to use a movie reference from “300” for today’s devo. I don’t recommend you go watch it as it is violent and gratuitous, but this once scene is priceless and perfectly explains how a marriage is supposed to work:


This post is from Tumblr and I’ll paraphrase the caption under it. (it’s pretty colorful or I would just do a screenshot).  Basically what is happening in this scene is that a traveler comes to Sparta talking about the huge army that’s nearby and how it would be hard to beat such a large army. This traveler obviously doesn’t know who the Spartans are. Obviously, dude in the picture doesn’t like that and wants to kill him. BEFORE he’s about to kick him into a giant pit he looks back at his wife for approval of his impending actions; she gives the slightest of head nods and next thing you know, the traveler is kicked into the pit and dies. A little dramatic if you ask me, but there’s a little jewel of awesome wrapped up in this weird movie. (Again, I don’t recommend you watch it. The 10 seconds of pictures above is literally the only part worth watching).

“This is marriage! Permission to be awesome; he gets a head nod. The guy looks back at the traveler with this look in his eye that basically says. “see that? She said yes! You’re so screwed!” Sparta was so awesome when it came to women. Spartan women were given these small knives so that if their husbands came home and tried to hit them or assault them, they had a weapon within reach. That weapon was for cutting their husband’s faces so that when he went out in public everyone would know he was an abusive jerk and they would publicly shame him… In Sparta, women could own land and were considered citizens. That is a huge deal! Why? Because it was so rare back then in that culture. Divorce was totally fine and a woman could expect to keep her own wealth and get custody of the kids because paternal lineage wasn’t very important. It didn’t make her a pariah either! She could totally remarry, no big deal. The Spartan woman participated in killer sports, too. And because they were expected to be as physically fit as the Spartan menfolk (who all had to serve compulsory military duties, btw, and couldn’t marry until they finished them at thirty) they didn’t have time for a lot of swishy dresses. So they wore notoriously short skirts. According to some accounts, their thighs were visible at all times. Also, in Sparta, men only got their names on their graves if they died in battle. And women? Women only got their names on their graves if they died in childbirth. The Spartans compared childbirth to battle and it was viewed as an honorable way to go out. So, this dude had better make sure she’s cool with whatever he’s doing if he knows what’s good for him!”

So awesome little history lesson there! This history lesson being from Tumblr I, of course, fact checked and everything is legit. (


Back to the main point now, how honoring your husband doesn’t mean you’re a door mat. Honor and respect do NOT mean mousy and run over. What it means is allowing your husband to take the leadership role in the relationship. Now leadership doesn’t mean that he meal plans, pay bills, coordinates schedules or cleans the house. Did you just snicker too? Look at Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” It doesn’t say anything in there about school lunches, making sure bills are paid in a timely manner, laying the kids clothing out before bed. It just says to submit to his authority. His authority is a GOD GIVEN authority. Marriage is a metaphor for Christ being the head of the church. The church is the bride of Christ just as we are the bride of the head of our household. Submission has many different forms. One of the most common forms of submission in my house look this time:

“Here is what I need to get done today for our family, what can I help you with?”

“I have spaghetti, casserole or pork chops for dinner, which would you like?”

“We need to look over the budget for next month. Here is what I think we should do, what do you want to do?”

“My jeep needs an oil change love. Can you handle that or would you like me too?”

“I’ve got the taxes ready to file, can we sit down and look over them together and make sure you’re ok with the numbers I’ve input?”

“We need to make some decisions regarding our business this next calendar year. Here are my suggestions based on X information. What do you think we should do?”

I know a lot of these seem trivial, but I know that my husband appreciates my attempts at submission. I don’t walk around with a doily over my head bowing to him each time he passes me. It simply means that he has the final say. I give him all the information about ANY situation we come up against, but he makes the final decision for our family. The key is this, ladies. Our husbands might not agree with us AND THAT’S OK! They are responsible before God for the decisions they make for our family. Not us, THEM! God is not required to tell the wives anything that He tells the husband. God talks to the head of the family. That’s not us. We need to be ok with that.

For more on submission check out this link. Also, there is a movie on Hulu called Hobson’s Choice. I STRONGLY recommend that you and your husband watch that (together). It’s an amazing look at a strong, independent woman and how she can be a Godly wife and use that independence and strength for the betterment of their husband and their marriage. You could probably rent it from your local library also.


Nila Rhoades