Day 6. Discipline. Being dedicated to the success of yourself and your husband.
The college I went too was weird. I won’t get into the semantics of why I didn’t thoroughly enjoy my time there. Case in point: One of the many “all girls” seminars we had to suffer through was about why pantyhose made us better wives. They also covered how we needed to “paint the barn if it needs a coat”. They were talking about the make-up of course. It was during this seminar that I had major doubts on the college that I choose to attend. I also had some major doubts as to the circle of religious people that I surrounded myself with. There is a difference between Christ followers and religious people, however, a pretty huge one. But that’s not my point here.
One point that was poorly articulated, and took me years to understand was this. I think the underlying point of her archaic message was not to “let yourself go” as a wife. It took me many years of stewing to find that underlying point, but as a married woman now, I couldn’t agree more. We all understand the thrill of the case when we are dating. The 4 different outfits we try on before he knocks on the door at exactly 7 PM because he’s been sitting around the corner in his car for 30 minutes sweating so he wouldn’t be late. There’s also the one-legged flamingo dance we do in front of the mirror when we try to find the perfect shoe that’s cute and comfortable.
Here’s the thing I hate about dating. I promise I will get back to my point of having self-discipline/self-control soon. When you’re dating, you spend months or years putting your best foot forward and trying so hard to be this version of yourself that is so much different than the person we really are. Then! You finally get engaged or married and you can let your hair down. You can finally be YOU again. He can finally be HIM again. Except you don’t like that version of that person and maybe he doesn’t like that version of you!
The thrill of the chase is over. There’s no need to flamingo dance in front of the mirror. You’ve tamed the wild beast. In turn, he’s captured the elusive unicorn. Now he feels comfortable to belch or pass gas in front of you. Maybe he falls asleep on the couch with his hands down his pants. And there is no more making sure your teeth are brushed before you kiss first thing in the morning.
Here is my point, ladies. Keep trying to be attractive to your husband. Listen to what he finds attractive about you. My husband HATES when I wear skinny jeans, but he oogles over me when I wear my boot cut jeans. Now that doesn’t mean that I throw away my skinny jeans, it just means that I make an effort to wear my boot cut a little more often. My husband doesn’t like it when I wear bright lipstick, so I stick to lip gloss. I also try to work out and keep active so I feel attractive when it comes to evening activities (if you catch my drift here) that I don’t let my emotional self-conscious issues get in the way. Don’t stop trying to be attractive to your husband. Put forth the effort.
Let’s look at some verses on self-discipline:
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 “24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 25 Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27 But I discipline my body and keep it under control,[b] lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”
Keep your marriage alive by trying. As we discussed a few days ago, guys are visual creatures. Putting form effort to appeal the visual aspect of our husbands can make the world of difference. Spending 5 minutes putting on a little makeup, putting on jeans and a nicer top rather than yoga pants and a sports bra, and spending a few moments fixing our hair shows our husbands that we care about how they see us and we also care about ourselves. That’s kind of huge. We’re going to fail at times and we’re going to realize on a Thursday that we haven’t worn a real bra since Sunday. But it’s the effort, the process of trying to keep that spark alive.