confront fear head on

Be here now: A reminder to confront fear head on and conquer it!

April 16, 2017 0 Comments

Be here now: A reminder to confront fear head on and conquer it!

If you read more than a few of my blogs, you know that I am very much a believer of the terminology, “fear is a powerful motivator”. It’s what motivates us and drives us to be better and to conquer. We want to conquer our fears. Is there any fear too small to be conquered? Take this, for example, I am absolutely terrified of bees. And wasps, hornets, and basically anything that can sting and fly at the same time. I have a very unreasonable fear of these flying stinging things because I’ve never even been stung! But my fear is a powerful motivator to leave them alone and pray like crazy that it won’t bother me. Could I overcome this fear? Absolutely, but I have to want to and right now I absolutely do not.

At this time in my life, I’m embarking on several new journeys all at the same time. My fear has been a constant motivator for doing things well. I started graduate school this month. I’m not just pursuing one master’s degree, I’m actually pursuing two! I can’t tell if I really enjoy learning, or I’m just a glutton for punishment and seeing how stressed out I can get without my head imploding. Either way, I’m terrified that it will negatively affect my family. I want my kids to know that I prioritize them over my homework. But at the same time, I still need to get my homework done, right?

That fear has led me to a very rigid form of scheduling. I only do homework during nap times, after bedtime, or the one or two chances out of the week that both boys are happy and content playing outside. It has led me to be much more productive in my daily life, it has also led me to be here now. I love this saying, be here now. Be with your kids now. Get off your phone, get off your tablet, turn the TV off, turn the radio off turn all the electronic things off, put the books away, and be here, in this moment right now. I really struggle with embracing this in the past week because I am such a productivity driven person. I feel the most accomplishment and the best version of myself when I am actively checking off things on my to-do list. But sometimes it hurts my family. Sometimes I can’t be super mom around my house and be super mom to my kids at the same time. That’s not an easy balance to obtain and it’s not an easy balance to keep. So, my floors are a little dirty, but my kids are happy because they have mom’s full attention right now. Because I’m here, right now I’m here.

Another Journey that I’m embarking on, which may sound a little silly, is making my house a completely gluten-free and sugar-free house. Know some of you know that I have celiac disease, and I am completely gluten-free. But I have made the excuse that my kids don’t need to eat that way so why would I force them to. As if my giving them gluten filled chicken nuggets somehow shows my love. I think I’m subconsciously trying to live vicariously through my children, while I watch them eat glorious alfredo pasta. But the more research I do, the more I’m seeing how bad gluten and wheat is for you. Not just for people like me who have celiac disease or even a gluten intolerance, but overall, it’s just an unhealthy product. Granted, there was a lot of wheat in the Bible (for those of you who eat the Bible Diet/Caveman Diet/Paleo. But the wheat back then is not the same wheat that we have on our planet now. It has been modified and warped into a product that I don’t think should be consumed anymore. By anyone, much less my children.

I came to the realization, much through my husband’s adamant opinion that our whole house should go gluten free. Sometime within the last few weeks, I got contaminated. Contaminated, to me, means that I either ingested or consumed some wheat to the point of it affecting my body. This wasn’t just some minor “I’m uncomfortable” type of contamination. It was basically like Chernobyl was it happening inside my body. You see, gluten gives me blisters on my hands when I touch it. It makes my face break out. Not just in blemishes, but in sores. It makes my scalp break out in sores not to mention the uncontrollable exhaustion that leaves me on the couch and lethargic. Then there is the stomach pains, the bowel issues, and just the crankiness because I just plain don’t feel good. I will say, that the probiotics that I’ve been taking have literally saved my life. I’m not one for direct sales, but the Plexus ProBio5 is a life saver. I can’t really blame anybody but myself because I choose to buy gluten for my family. I shot myself in the foot there, didn’t I?

Am I helping my family? Or am I just helping my budget? I still want to have “blow” money at the end of the month, but am I hurting my kids and that process of trying to save a few dollars?

There’s been a very sweet lady on my Facebook page that has been sugar-free for about a year. She’s been posting about it very honestly. Her motivation is not obnoxious, she’s not pushy, probably because she’s not trying to sell anything. She’s not a distributor for anything so her only motivation is education and health. But I’ve seen the changes in her, not just the weight loss but how much better she’s feeling. I just started my research, I’m noticing that Sugar can be just as addictive as cocaine! Yeah, we give it to our children on a daily basis, not just a little here and there, I’m talking tablespoons beyond tablespoons. I am the kind of person that thrives on the old adage, “everything in moderation”. After all, that’s what the Bible says right?

But I think there are times that we need to tip the balance in our favor, especially when we have the option to do so. I think that going sugar-free is one of those times. No, as a moderate helicopter mom (comparatively), I can’t keep my kids from ever consuming sugar. They’re not in my eyesight all the time. I’m not going to deny my child a cupcake at a birthday party because “by golly he’s sugar-free!” That’s my balance right there. But if I can help it, I can limit the amount of sugar his little body consumes because I know right now that he’s consuming too much. And he’s consuming too much out of my own laziness and how easy it is to give them Lucky Charms for breakfast so he’ll just be quiet so I can sleep for a few more minutes. Amazing what an eye-opening experience it is; realizing that the detriment that I might be doing to my children on purpose is so selfishly motivated. I want an easy morning, I don’t want to have to cook in the morning because I went to sleep instead or I want to save money or I want and I want and I want. So, little of this decision up until this point has had anything to do with my children’s health. I’m their mother! I am supposed to protect them and keep them healthy and teach them how to eat properly. I have epically failed here. I’m confident in my abilities to save them from an outside threat, like a bad guy, kidnapping, or robbery etc. That’s why I train and that’s why I carry a firearm with me nearly Everywhere I Go. It never occurred to me that their biggest threat in their lives right now might be coming from inside our house!

And then I’m suddenly realizing that I also have a fear of failure. As all moms do! We all want to be the best mom’s we can be. And thankfully and unfortunately that looks different for every single mom out there. There are plenty of other moms who cut more things out of their diet, and I know plenty of moms who cut nothing out of their diet. And their kids are perfectly happy and healthy and Fabulous. But right now, even though I had the fear of being ostracized, I have to do what I feel is best for my family. This is one of those things that I need to limit.

So, I’m embarking on a few journey’s right now. Going back to grad school and cutting gluten and sugar out of my house entirely and trying hard not to fail at “all the things,”. I welcome your thoughts, prayers, and any advice you have to give! As I’m sure I’m not the only one going through this right now. I would love for you to follow my journey along with me. So, we can help motivate and encourage each other.

Mil-Spec Mom

Nila is an Army Wife, mother of two boys, and a firearms instructor. She is currently pursuing a double masters in Homeland Security & Emergency Disaster Management, while trying to balance the daily life of being a SAHM/WAHM. She loves ice cream and learning about self-defense as a mother. For more info please click the "About Mil-Spec Mom" tab at the top.

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